Ever wondered why your 20-something is obsessively hoarding on shoes? Probably, your denial to buy him shoes in his childhood has left a deep impact on his mind.
So now that he has the purchasing power, he wants to splurge. This is just one example of how a child takes their childhood experience onto adulthood. Here are some instances on how parents’ behaviour can determine their child’s personality as an adult.
OVER-PROTECTIVE PARENT: LEADS TO CLINGY ADULT
A child growing under over-protective parents faces severe detachment problems as an adult. If you do not let the child face life in all its shades, they grow up to be excessively dependent, weak and seek help for trivial matters.
TIP: Such behaviour can restrict your child’s emotional intelligence. Give them an opportunity to explore the world, (physically and emotionally) without constant interference.
SUSPICIOUS PARENTS LEAD TO: LYING, DISTRUSTFUL ADULT
It’s okay to keep a check on your child, but overdoing it can hamper their trust instinct. The child will then panic at the sight of your call or message. To save face, they may even resort to lying. Over suspicious parents envision fear by putting this fear in their child, they raise suspicious adults with low confidence.
TIP: If you have an excessive urge to check on your kids, have a frank talk with them and see if they have a solution. For instance, they can call you every time they reach their friend’s house, instead of the other way round.
ABUSIVE PARENTS LEAD TO: EXTREME PERSONALITY
It’s alright to point out your child’s mistakes, but use of emotional or physical violence can scar them for life. Abusive parents permanently damage their child’s cognitive development leading to low self-esteem and confidence. Such children grow up to be extreme personalities — a total rebel or a doormat.
TIP: Identify the first signs of losing your temper. See if it’s the way your child talks or their mistakes that annoys you. Ease the tension at this very stage.
PUSHY PARENTS LEAD TO: SUICIDAL ADULTS
Pushy parents who want their kids to be winners all the time put them under extreme pressure leading to even nervous breakdowns or suicidal tendencies. Such parents find it hard to digest failure and they crush the child’s personality. Even as an adult, such kids strive to conform to others expectations, which, when unfulfilled, will create a feeling of worthlessness.
TIP: Share positive feelings with your children. Encourage kids even if they don’t win a competition.
COMPARING PARENTS LEAD TO: A SHOW OFF
Parents, who don’t empathise with their child are quick to deform their child’s personality. This leads to adults who harbour excessive feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem and self-pity.
TIP: Even if you disagree with your child, use positivity. Avoid comparing siblings. Use phrases to build their self-esteem, and avoid phrases that hurt.
PASSIVE PARENTS LEAD TO: ARROGANT ADULTS
Parents, who don’t participate in their child’s activities or those who feel too sorry for being hard on their child, turn them into difficult adults. Such parents are often unable to say ‘no’ and the child grows up to be an overconfident person, who cannot accept their mistake or accept criticism positively.
TIP: Spend quality time with your kids. Do things together, such as painting, story telling, going to the park, etc. In case they make a mistake, point it out gently. Do not give in to your child’s whining, crying or temper tantrum, as it only reinforces the behaviour.