Do you feel the urge to check your partner’s smses or online conversations? Do you feel the need to know what your partner is doing and where he/she is? Everytime your boyfriend/girlfriend goes out with his/her friends, do you get yourself invited? If not, do you ask for each and every detail of the outing – the people who they were with?
If your answers to all of the above are ‘yes’ then you are in a smothering and dominating relationship. Possessiveness generally stems from lack of trust in a relationship, or insecurities, or just lack of self-esteem.
The control freak
The common traits of a possessive partner include irrational jealousy, constant accusations of flirting with other people, dominating demeanor driven by the need to control and telling how to dress or behave in public, regularly checking your messages/chats to see who you talk to and what you talk about, continuously being deluged with questions to check how he/she the possessive one) is being presented in front of your friends.
MBA student Utsavi Bhavsar says, “Many people around me are extremely possessive about their significant others. For example, two of my classmates are in a relationship and they make it a point to check each other’s friend requests on their social networking sites before they add anyone. Our project reports also require us to go to fellow students’ home to work and I have seen many people fight over that. The feeling of jealousy and insecurity stems from bad relationships in the past. This is also a time when one expects higher level of commitments than one probably would a few years ago.”
All about the ‘young’ mindset
These days, some youngsters also think that if his/her partner is being possessive, it’s an indication of how much they care. But there is a thin line between actually caring for someone and being overtly possessive. Second year B.Com student Palak Sharma, says, “My ex used to check my whereabouts and who I went out with. Initially I used to think it was because he really loved me. But it got a bit too much when he started calling up my friends to confirm if I was with them. After a number of fights, I finally broke up with him.
The virtual impact
Signs of being over-possessive and obsessed with a person have been shown on the silver screen in movies like Vaada, Shabd, Dastak and Dhadkan. A number of episodes of shows like Gumrah, Savdhan India and Crime Patrol are also dedicated to talking about such jilted lovers who cannot let go of their partners. With social networking sites and micro-blogging sites ruling the lives of the youth these days, who find it important to upload their minute to minute activities and pictures, sometimes the young become victims to to stalking and cyber bullying.
Ahmedabad-based consulting psychologist Dr Prashant Bhimani says, “Six out of ten cases that I get are about such relationships. The possible cause of this might be that teenagers don’t have a strong relationship with their parents and their partners might be the only emotional anchors whom they can cling on to. Some kids also feel they are inferior to others; they are worried about their image(s) as a result of which they vent out their aggression on their partners. Television, films and social media play a major role in this.”
Drawing a line between care and obsession is very important for a harmonious relationship.