We all value love, then why do we engage in extra marital affairs? Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist describes it in an interesting manner. According to her, love is not really an emotion but more of a brain system. When it comes to love, we have three brain systems – first is the sex drive, second romantic love and third, partner attachment. And the brain architecture works in a manner that while being attached to one partner, we can feel intense love for another and sex drive for even more partners.
According to Ramon Llamba, life and soul coach, “Different people react differently to extra marital affairs. Some are looking for self reassurance that they are still desirable, others want to kill boredom or release stress, get even with their spouse or simply explore outside their marriage. ”
Here we describe some common affairs:
This is the most common among all types of affair. The two are in it only for sex as it makes them feel sexually liberated in a shush affair. They have no plans to leave their respective partners but they enjoy the steam in the bed. Such affairs often fizzle out as soon as the excitement settles and don’t last too long. While initially it helps the two mask their emotional issues behind the sexual overtones, soon the deep seated issues surface again and fade the connection.
We all have read debates about emotional affairs being equally sinful as sexual infidelity. It is sometimes even called the affair of the heart. While the two don’t engage in a physical relationship, they are deep entwined in each other’s minds. They are constantly flirting, exchanging messages, thinking about each other pretty much all the time. There is no sex but that doesn’t mean there is no sexual tension between the two. The two share every single intimate detail and are so much into each other that it drains the energy from their primary relationship. They reach out to each other because they feel the constant need to stay connected.
Such affairs happen often because of resentment towards the current partner. This affair materialises because the partner wants to get even with his/her spouse. They could have discovered an illicit relationship or are deranged by their partner’s indifference. When such partners engage in extra-marital affairs, they want to feel empowered and they unknowingly seek healing in such illicit affairs. They want to feel wanted by someone, without undergoing the intense pressure of dealing with his/her own disturbed relationship. This relationship falls out faster than the two realize. Relationship expert and tarot card reader, Madhu Kotya explains, “Ninety per cent affairs are resentment affairs. Couples are so busy in their respective lives that they barely find time to work on the marriage and that’s how resentment creeps in. No one wants to work on the issues, they start blaming the partner. This is when they start looking for love and acceptance outside.”
Human are capable of creating illusions they desire. This perfectly describes imaginary affairs. A colleague or a gym buddy probably likes spending time with you, but you secretly convince yourself that you two are a thing and he will leave his partner to be with you. This commitment is only one-sided and is a perfect mix for disaster.
Body and soul affairs
This affair is the most fatal of all. It is almost like a real relationship. The two have sex, have emotional dependence and feel complete in each other’s company. They see each other as soul mates. This kind of affair is capable of wrecking marriages, simply because the relationships feel so right! Madhu adds, “There are a very small percentage of body and soul affairs. It’s more spiritual than physical and emotional. They feel the need to constantly feel each other and separation pains them immensely. This is the kind of affair that leads to divorces and remarriages. ”