How to discuss money with your honey without killing your relationship, or one another…
“You are too controlling”
“You are frivolous with expenses”
Do you often find yourself mumbling these? You are not alone. A recent study suggests that most partners aren’t on the same page when it comes to money. In fact, most people revealed that their partners’ financial habits get them worked up. How does one talk about money without making a dent on the relationship? A few pointers.
1. Sharing your ‘money’ past. It is actually very important to factor in your parents’ financial nature, as it leads to life-long habits that are hard to break. Be honest about your money past with your partner. It saves a lot of misery in the long run.
2. Bring up money matters in the morning. Talking about money before bedtime is not a great idea. “Begin your day on a fresh note and whatever is discussed can be gradually worked upon. At the end of the day, most people switch off mentally and there are higher chances of the discussion being carried forward the next day. This means you are left to feel ambiguous the whole night,” says counsellor Anjali Chhabria.
3. Money hampers relationships only when you give it too much importance. “Yes, it’s a vital part of your existence but not the centre of your relationship. So, talk about it with utmost calm and transparency. Also, don’t make it sound as if you are cracking a corporate deal,” says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany.
4. Think together and think towards the same goal, while respecting each other’s passions. You and your partner may be passionate about different things like travelling, art, sport, music, fitness etc. Mutually agree on keeping aside some money for the same. This way, no one is forced to cut down expenses on something they enjoy doing.
- 70% of married couples argue about money, putting it ahead of conflicts over household chores, togetherness, sex, snoring and what’s for dinner.
- The reason many spouses don’t come clean about their purchases is that 35% dread getting a lecture.
- 60% of couples check their bank balance more often than they have sex.
- Spending: 55%
- Saving: 37%
- Deceit: 21%
- Exclusion from decisions: 11%