Should I forgive my #husband for abusing me?

screen-shot-2017-02-21-at-1-20-59-pmQuestion: I have been married for 9 years to a successful IT professional, but we have been living almost separately since a few years. This happened after the birth of my son, the reason being that my husband never allowed me the right to his money and used it as tool at the times when I was not working. All this led to me shifting to the city my parents belong to. Also, he had refused to provide any support, physical or monetary when I required it the most. He started using abusive language and tagged me as an unsuccessful and uncouth person only because I had not been able to achieve much in life career-wise. He also used to twist my arms and spat at me once, all of which I still find so hard to forget.

During past 5 years of separation, he kept visiting us, citing the need to meet his son, however, in the past few months, things got very bad and we would often land up at the police station. But, the thought of getting into legal hassles and losing his son downed upon him and he has now mellowed down to some extent. In fact, now he wants me to come back to him for the sake of our son’s healthy future. I know he loves me and our son, but his bouts of anger leave me scared.

Should I give him and life one more chance for the sake of our son? – By Anonymous

Answer by Dr Parul Tank: It sounds like you have had a difficult marriage and a rocky relationship. I would not be able to guide you legally, but it seems like that there has been physical, emotional abuse at various times in your relationship. I wonder how stable the relationship will be between both of you if you decide to get back together. It will be advisable to have certain boundaries in place before coming back together and also possibly seeking marital counselling. This will help to sort out past issues so they are not repeated if both of you decide to come together. Only after this you should decide whether you want to stay in the relationship. Often people go back due to their children and the same unresolved issues come to the fore. Having said that, counselling often gives a sense of stability and makes people think in a different manner.

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